Learning to live well together

The Revd Dr Tom Wilson, Director of St. Philip’s Centre, Leicester, believes living harmoniously with people of different beliefs is a learnable skill, like riding a bike. By fostering meaningful encounters, understanding, trust, and cooperation, we can bridge divides. He emphasizes open-minded dialogue, respectful disagreement, and collaboration as key to overcoming societal challenges and building a peaceful society.

Think back to when you first learned to ride a bicycle. Maybe you were a young child. I imagine you were a bit wobbly at first; perhaps a parent or other trusted adult held the bike and ran alongside you as you gradually gained confidence. At some point, they let go and left you to cycle on your own. Initially, it was strange and terrifying, but soon it became second nature.

Think back to when you learned to swim, drive a car, knit, or play a musical instrument. Perhaps you only have some of these skills. I know I don’t have them all. But they are all skills you can learn. They might seem unfamiliar at first, but with practice, they become second nature.

Getting along with people who see the world differently from you

In a divided and fractious world, I believe we can learn to live well together. Getting along with people who see the world differently from you is another skill we can all learn. At the St. Philip’s Centre, we help Christians develop this skill through our “Festivals and Faith” and “Deanery Roadshows.” We help children learn this skill through our religion and belief roadshow, a hands-on, interactive opportunity for students to meet people of different religion and belief perspectives. Where else would you meet a Bahai, a Jain, or a Pagan?

At the St. Philip’s Centre, we believe there are four foundational building blocks you need to put in place.

First, encounter. This should be meaningful and sustained—an opportunity to talk with somebody whose life experience and values are very different from your own. The encounter should be honest, open-minded, without power differentials or coercion. People should be free to say what they really think, within appropriate boundaries.

Understanding does not mean agreement 

A well-managed encounter will result in the second building block, understanding, which does not mean agreement. I spend a lot of my time with people who see the world very differently from me. There’s plenty of space for disagreement. Most of the time, the discussion is good-natured and informative. We agree that we understand the world very differently, but this strengthens rather than harms our relationship. There are, however, some people whose views I fully understand, but regard as morally flawed and repugnant. There are people whose views I cannot commend or share. Sometimes we must realise that we are not going to agree with or get on with everybody.

 Most of the time, understanding becomes the foundation for trust. I trust my friends and colleagues of different religions with whom I regularly work. We do not see eye to eye on everything, but we have a common concern: enabling people to learn how to live well together, and we trust each other in how we do that.

Work together to overcome some of the barriers and difficulties faced

The fourth building block is cooperation. It is no good to build a relationship where I understand your perspective and trust you if nothing happens as a result. We need to work together to overcome some of the barriers and difficulties we face. We can do this by cooperating, by returning to the days where we had robust discussions in a cordial and civil fashion, where we disagreed but did so in a way that was not personal or scapegoating or victimising or vitriolic but human and respectful and honest and clear.

Learning to live well together is a skill we can all master and develop over time. It starts with a small risk, of saying hello to a stranger, with asking someone around for a cup of coffee, with daring to be interested in people who have yet to show interest in you. Be curious, be open-minded, and join the adventure of learning how to live well so that all society may flourish.

The Revd Dr Tom Wilson is Director of St Phillip’s Centre, Leicester. Its work within the Christian community and across wider society enables communities and individuals to encounter one another in meaningful ways to build understanding and trust.